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Apoc

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The heart's still going a million beats a minute after one of the most incredible football (Australian Rules) games ever played. Next week I'll be at the game in person and there's a good chance I'll lose my voice. Kid you not the crowd, particularly when my side is hosting games, gets louder then any concert I've been to.

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Kid you not the crowd' date=' particularly when my side is hosting games, gets louder then any concert I've been to.[/quote'] I remember seeing the 2014 World Cup US-Belgium game in an on-campus bar, that was pretty loud. Germany-Ghana was less loud, but fun to watch.
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I hate to bring the mood down, but I need to get something off my chest, not my usual schtick here but to be honest I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to face any of my friends at this moment. So last night, after about three years of being clean, I relapsed on heroin and subsequently overdosed. Im not sure what it was that triggered it early on in the day but I felt it tugging my shirt all fucking day and the minute I got a little sad about something I said fuck it and did some with my brother (whom I feel terrible for involving as he's been struggling with it for years and is showing SOME progress as of late but not abstaining by any means). I lost consciousness and started seizing out, my brother called the ambulance and I came to in the ER hours later, being told I was literally on death's door upon my arrival, if I didnt live literally two blocks from the hospital I may not have made it. I've never felt this kind of shame before. Not only did I buckle like a weak little shit after years of being able to stare my old vices in the face and tell them to fuck off, but I put my roommates in that situation when they had nothing to do with it and didnt deserve to have to spend their night like that. My dad is so disappointed in me its really fucking with me after I've worked so hard over the past few years to earn his respect back. Needless to say, I'm never touching dope again, and I'm determined to get my strength and dignity back, but at this particular moment its definitely feeling like a long way up. Again, I dont mean to seem like the lurker crying for help and attention here, but the catharsis of sharing with an unbiased crowd is really all I can reach for right now.

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I hate to bring the mood down, but I need to get something off my chest, not my usual schtick here but to be honest I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to face any of my friends at this moment. So last night, after about three years of being clean, I relapsed on heroin and subsequently overdosed. Im not sure what it was that triggered it early on in the day but I felt it tugging my shirt all fucking day and the minute I got a little sad about something I said fuck it and did some with my brother (whom I feel terrible for involving as he's been struggling with it for years and is showing SOME progress as of late but not abstaining by any means). I lost consciousness and started seizing out, my brother called the ambulance and I came to in the ER hours later, being told I was literally on death's door upon my arrival, if I didnt live literally two blocks from the hospital I may not have made it. I've never felt this kind of shame before. Not only did I buckle like a weak little shit after years of being able to stare my old vices in the face and tell them to fuck off, but I put my roommates in that situation when they had nothing to do with it and didnt deserve to have to spend their night like that. My dad is so disappointed in me its really fucking with me after I've worked so hard over the past few years to earn his respect back. Needless to say, I'm never touching dope again, and I'm determined to get my strength and dignity back, but at this particular moment its definitely feeling like a long way up. Again, I dont mean to seem like the lurker crying for help and attention here, but the catharsis of sharing with an unbiased crowd is really all I can reach for right now.
Holy shit, dude, I'm glad you're still with us. I get sucked into shame sometimes too, it's hard to break out of that. But don't let it suck you down. Keep moving forward. Stick with it. You're a good dude from what I can tell, you deserve a good life. :)
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I hate to bring the mood down, but I need to get something off my chest, not my usual schtick here but to be honest I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to face any of my friends at this moment. So last night, after about three years of being clean, I relapsed on heroin and subsequently overdosed. Im not sure what it was that triggered it early on in the day but I felt it tugging my shirt all fucking day and the minute I got a little sad about something I said fuck it and did some with my brother (whom I feel terrible for involving as he's been struggling with it for years and is showing SOME progress as of late but not abstaining by any means). I lost consciousness and started seizing out, my brother called the ambulance and I came to in the ER hours later, being told I was literally on death's door upon my arrival, if I didnt live literally two blocks from the hospital I may not have made it. I've never felt this kind of shame before. Not only did I buckle like a weak little shit after years of being able to stare my old vices in the face and tell them to fuck off, but I put my roommates in that situation when they had nothing to do with it and didnt deserve to have to spend their night like that. My dad is so disappointed in me its really fucking with me after I've worked so hard over the past few years to earn his respect back. Needless to say, I'm never touching dope again, and I'm determined to get my strength and dignity back, but at this particular moment its definitely feeling like a long way up. Again, I dont mean to seem like the lurker crying for help and attention here, but the catharsis of sharing with an unbiased crowd is really all I can reach for right now.
Wow, that's heavy... I don't really know what to say that haven't been said by Father. I don't think your past efforts are all lost and if you ask me you should keep them in mind. This might be a setback, but I'm sure you have the determination required to leave both dope and this shame behind. Go for it, dude!
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I hate to bring the mood down, but I need to get something off my chest, not my usual schtick here but to be honest I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to face any of my friends at this moment. So last night, after about three years of being clean, I relapsed on heroin and subsequently overdosed. Im not sure what it was that triggered it early on in the day but I felt it tugging my shirt all fucking day and the minute I got a little sad about something I said fuck it and did some with my brother (whom I feel terrible for involving as he's been struggling with it for years and is showing SOME progress as of late but not abstaining by any means). I lost consciousness and started seizing out, my brother called the ambulance and I came to in the ER hours later, being told I was literally on death's door upon my arrival, if I didnt live literally two blocks from the hospital I may not have made it. I've never felt this kind of shame before. Not only did I buckle like a weak little shit after years of being able to stare my old vices in the face and tell them to fuck off, but I put my roommates in that situation when they had nothing to do with it and didnt deserve to have to spend their night like that. My dad is so disappointed in me its really fucking with me after I've worked so hard over the past few years to earn his respect back. Needless to say, I'm never touching dope again, and I'm determined to get my strength and dignity back, but at this particular moment its definitely feeling like a long way up. Again, I dont mean to seem like the lurker crying for help and attention here, but the catharsis of sharing with an unbiased crowd is really all I can reach for right now.
Fucking A, what a drug. I've got no experience with it, personally. I have known a couple people who have died, but not well I guess. I'm so glad you were not taken out by this. I like seeing you come around when you do. It frustrates me a that a guy like you could vanish from the forum and we would have no idea what became of you, we'd imagine that you got bored and moved on I suppose. I'm sorry that you deal with heroin addiction in your life, and I'm glad you checked in with us about where you are at. Fight that shit on every level you can Black Milk, I'm sure you'll get right back on the wagon, given how scarey this must have been. Again, dude, I'm glad your OK, and I'm glad this is a place where you feel like taking solace.
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Hey dude, everyone needs to vent sometimes and get the heavy shit off of their chest, I know that I have used this and other forums for the same. I don't know about you, but I have few friends, and feel closer to most of you than even much of my family. Anyway, I have no objections, I'm just glad that you're alright and already on the path back to recovery. Everyone fucks up, and one of the hardest things to do is forgive yourself, but until you do you won't get past it. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we care about you and would like for you be happy, healthy, and free from afflictions, and if checking in with us helps with that, then I would urge you to continue. Stay strong and keep your focus on a heroine free future.

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In the next week or so I will have to say goodbye to my Aunt. She is 86 years of age and has been a big part of my life. I have so many memories of time spent in her company were the very thought of her just makes me smile. She has had cancer for 3 years and fought so bravely but this is now a battle too far for her. In addition to some of the excellent advice already given to Black Milk on here I can only add simply that you should just live. Become that person someone remembers with a smile on their face, that someone people look to and remember with fondness.

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I appreciate everyone's advice and concern, I put great value in all of your words. I wont let yall down either. Milk's here to stay. Macabre I'm sorry to hear about your aunt, I've got an aunt I'm quite close with as well who's been dealing with leukemia for a long time now so I can certainly relate to the feeling, life has many facets that suck pretty hard but you're right in the point of being able to look fondly upon what was had.

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